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Wonder

I wonder about the moment you ended your life all the time.

I wonder how it was possible for you to be so full of desperation that you did not want to stick around to hear our baby boy develop his first words. He says "mommy" all the time now but never "daddy." 
I wonder why you didn't think of missing our middle child getting his first pair of glasses, and looking exactly like you. 
I wonder why you didn't think about our daughter wanting you there when she excitedly decided to cut her hair short. She would have loved for you to see her.
I wonder if you thought about that at all. 
I don't wonder why you left me. I know you were angry and sad. I know you were mad at me for wanting happiness and comfort and stability. I know you were mad at yourself for not being able to be that. I don't wonder why you left me.
But every day and every hour, I wonder why you left our children. They are a part of you, and despite you having hidden from them for most o…

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