Snow
Sometimes it catches up to me in weird moments.
Like in the snow.
When I am shoveling the driveway, by myself, while our kids are inside the house, staying warm.
I think of you, in your jacket, and your sweatpants, and your work boots, and your wool hat, grabbing the shovel in the early morning and shoveling the walk.
I remember you cleaning the snow off the minivan window. I remember thinking maybe that meant you really loved me.
I think of your face full of snowflakes.
I think of you being silly. Of you wanting to build a snowman with the kids.
I think of you pulling our kids in a sled around the backyard of our first house.
I think of you throwing snowballs at me.
You had joy once.
I remember it.
I think of our baby never getting pulled in a sled by you.
I think of snowflakes falling on your gravesite.
I think of the kids building snowmen without you. Snow families, with no dad.
Sometimes I have snowflakes in my eyes and they remind me of you.
Sometimes the snowflakes are tears.
Like in the snow.
When I am shoveling the driveway, by myself, while our kids are inside the house, staying warm.
I think of you, in your jacket, and your sweatpants, and your work boots, and your wool hat, grabbing the shovel in the early morning and shoveling the walk.
I remember you cleaning the snow off the minivan window. I remember thinking maybe that meant you really loved me.
I think of your face full of snowflakes.
I think of you being silly. Of you wanting to build a snowman with the kids.
I think of you pulling our kids in a sled around the backyard of our first house.
I think of you throwing snowballs at me.
You had joy once.
I remember it.
I think of our baby never getting pulled in a sled by you.
I think of snowflakes falling on your gravesite.
I think of the kids building snowmen without you. Snow families, with no dad.
Sometimes I have snowflakes in my eyes and they remind me of you.
Sometimes the snowflakes are tears.
Very powerful. It's hard to know what to say. I wish you and your kids joy and strength...
ReplyDeleteD
ReplyDeleteNothing more I can do or say... Sending warm thoughts & hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteYour words are just as beautiful as your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI can't thank you enough for your Courage in writing this, and the previous even more important eloquently Brave Post's. You may not realize it, but you have kept a Husband from making the decision that lead's to permanent ending of temporary problems that are solved or perhaps, can be if one doesn't give up. Maybe a Wife, a Son, or Daughter, who know's if anyone takes that second thought to slow down, and think or get help, make a call, put down a gun, whatever, you will have truly helped another. Thank you for helping me.
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DeleteDvorak,
DeleteIf anyone this February 14th deserves a Valentine's day recognition, it is you. If I knew how I would send some pretty flowers or chocolates. Could we please pretend? Your writings are powerful and yet sweet.
Happy Valentine's Day to you and your lovely daughters!
Absolutely touching and I feel I learn so much about a different perspective of such a devastating experience. I really appreciate you sharing this perspective.
ReplyDeleteI found you on twitter but lost you after finding this. I read every entry. I hung onto your words and I wish I could meet you for coffee just to hug you so hard. Hoping good things happen today. Sunshine or kindness at least.
ReplyDelete@seekingsusie
Wow.
ReplyDeleteSo very touching! I wish you peace and love and joy!
ReplyDeleteYour grief and ability to convey it so beautifully and - honestly - so romantically has completely captured a part of my soul. Sending you love from now until the end of all days.
ReplyDelete- Patrick