The Sweatshirt

I found your sweatshirt. I gave her your sweatshirt. She hugged your sweatshirt.

Our daughter wore the sweatshirt to camp every day this week. Even on the 85 degree days, she wore it. When I picked her up at camp every day after work, she was there standing in your sweatshirt.

I am so sad for her.

Comments

  1. RichardAugust 18, 2019 at 5:30 AM

    Thanks, again for your healing words. Rick

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sue VarrianoAugust 18, 2019 at 5:46 AM

    It is so sweet of you to keep her memories of him positive. I'm afraid I would be mad enough to poison them with tales of his selfishness.

    I know he had problems that were overwhelming and even his beautiful children weren't enough to help him try to overcome them.

    But to die the way he did and to leave you to find him and deal with that while trying to help your children cope would have made me bitter.

    You are an amazing woman and an inspiration to us all.

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 18, 2019 at 8:44 PM

    I found you through Twitter. I’m just in a heap of weepy emotion. I just read your entire blog. You’re writing is so honest and powerful. You have no idea who I am and, really, vice versa, but I am so immensely proud of you.
    A dear friend died by suicide in April and I’m still reeling. He has a son who is 21. So, not a child but young and in need of his dad. He was going through a divorce. I knew he was having a hard time but I didn’t know he was capable of or contemplated suicide. He was my 7 year old daughter's godfather. He involved us in the trauma by mailing us a box of his stuff as well as suicide letters to to give to his son and other loved ones. Was I supposed to be the one to realize he was dead and alert people? He mailed this box before he died, obviously. It came overnight mail. I had found out the night before he was dead. So much was planned so I want to know what he was thinking. But he had a son who he adored so he couldn’t have been thinking. He was an involved and devoted parent. But he was obviously mentally ill and I had no idea. Did I? Or did I just ignore it? I don’t think so but now I question everything.
    I’m sad and mad and confused and scared and filled with horror. More than anything I’m filled with complete and utter horror.
    This is your blog, not mine, I’m sorry to take up so much space!
    I will keep reading this. And I will keep wishing you well and wishing you love and strength and relief and peace.
    And also fuck his family for not telling you he had attempted suicide before. I thought my mother in law was a bitch but that is just next level.

    ReplyDelete
  4. slangAugust 19, 2019 at 5:38 AM

    +
    Years ago, my husband died in a car accident when I was pregnant. I was afraid to embrace mourning for fear I would miscarry. Eight years later, I started crying and couldn't stop. I was clinically depressed. The therapist asked if I ever thought of harming myself, to which I replied sometimes I do. The most important thing the therapist said to me is "You are a parent. Suicide is not an option." Two years ago, the father of my son's girlfriend hung himself. My first thought, "No one told him suicide is not an option."

    ReplyDelete
  5. JatarSeptember 9, 2019 at 6:57 PM

    It's amazing how much hopes comes out of all that sadness... The right road is the hard one, keep going on that road "My Friend"

    ReplyDelete

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