Him
I met him on Twitter.
He told me I was funny. I told him he was funny, that I had noticed how funny he was.
I told him I was married.
I told him about my husband, who drank out of hidden bottles, and slept in his own bed.
I told him I slept alone in bed, but then my kids would join me during the night.
He told me he was married but she stayed in her room all day.
He told me he did everything with his two children, so he was pretty much a single parent.
I said I am pretty much a single parent.
He said my wife never comes with me anywhere.
I said my husband never comes with me anywhere.
He said I am very lonely.
I said I am very lonely.
We messaged for hours and hours every night.
In the silence of a sleeping house, he was three dots responding to my words.
Always responding.
He wrote me that he loved me on the third night of our texting.
It was very late at night.
Now I understand it is very likely he was drinking when he wrote that.
I understand I could have been anybody.
But he texted me the word love, and that still feels like the first broken piece of all the little pieces.
He told me I was funny. I told him he was funny, that I had noticed how funny he was.
I told him I was married.
I told him about my husband, who drank out of hidden bottles, and slept in his own bed.
I told him I slept alone in bed, but then my kids would join me during the night.
He told me he was married but she stayed in her room all day.
He told me he did everything with his two children, so he was pretty much a single parent.
I said I am pretty much a single parent.
He said my wife never comes with me anywhere.
I said my husband never comes with me anywhere.
He said I am very lonely.
I said I am very lonely.
We messaged for hours and hours every night.
In the silence of a sleeping house, he was three dots responding to my words.
Always responding.
He wrote me that he loved me on the third night of our texting.
It was very late at night.
Now I understand it is very likely he was drinking when he wrote that.
I understand I could have been anybody.
But he texted me the word love, and that still feels like the first broken piece of all the little pieces.
Oh my. I read this and am scared, sad and eager to read more. Today is day 21 of my separation. And this Tuesday will be our 20-year anniversary. No great celebration is planned. I have learned more about myself in these 21 days than I have in many years. Perhaps not learned as much as re-learned. I have been told what to eat, what to read, what to say and think for far too long. I am in the midst of rebirth but it is hard as well. I will save more for my own blog -- which you just prompted me to create. I mean why write 5 pages of notes for a therapy session that I will never even reveal?
ReplyDeleteI wish I could understand what brings some of us down a darker path in relationships à. I wish I knew why love is so hard for some of us, when it really seems like it should be the easiest thing on earth.
ReplyDeleteBut I guess that isn't true... I guess love should be hard. I guess that a love you've earned is a love that has a better chance to be real.
The word love is easy to say. I say it all the time. I love, love. But actions, not words, are really love. How you treat someone is far more important than the number of times you tell someone that you love them.
Love gets harder as we get older. When we are young, there is no right time, there are just the right people. But as we get older and we bring our lives into our relationships, the right person doesn't always seem to be enough.
I read that there is no right time that there is only the right person....but I can't believe that. Even the right people lose at love
There is also the trick of Erros who makes us unable to see the major flaws of a partner. Only down the road to these fatal flaws become visible. Despite them I have soldiered on trying to make things work. Marriage or any long-term relationship is hard and requires work, but there is a limit as to how hard it should be. And it should NEVER , EVER be hard only for one person.
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