The Silver Lining

We have been stuck at home for 43 days now because of the pandemic.

But to be honest, I don't feel stuck.

I am with my kids.

I could say I am stuck with my kids - my three children and my two dogs. But I am not stuck.

In normal life, I was so busy.

I had so much to do.

Life was waking and rushing to get three kids dressed and throwing down coffee like it was a shot of tequila. Life was bringing kids to school and always always being late because one kid threw up or another left their lunchbox at home or another fell on the driveway on their way to the car and needed to change pants. Life was getting to work late every day and feeling guilty for it and trying to make up for it by working through lunch. Life was racing to schools after work and getting there just before the doors closed and apologies to teachers and paying babysitters so I could go food shopping in the evening. Life was getting home and cooking dinner and cleaning and laundry and dishes and then putting my kids to bed and falling asleep while I laid there with them.

But now?

Now I am "stuck" at home with my kids.

There is no rushing anywhere.

There is no being late.

There are no babysitters.

There is just me and my kids.

I am with my kids. Truly. Every minute of every day, I am with my kids.

I am talking to them, I am watching them, I am teaching them, I am holding them close.

My 7 year old sits on my lap as he reads to me every day. I help him build lego trucks. He asks me questions about climate change.

I get to lie down next to my 4 year old when he naps. He sits next to me as I work. He looks over at me and reminds me that he loves me while I type at my computer. I get to kiss his bumps and bruises.

My daughter gives me makeovers. We work on her math together. She reads me her stories and tells me about her conversations with her friends.

We have dance parties. We go on walks. We clean together.

I am not overwhelmed by my children. I am not stuck with them. I am getting to know them. It is a luxury for me.

Soon enough, the world will open up again, and we will be back to rushing and racing and hurrying. I will be back to seeing my children at the bookends of my day. I will be back to fitting everything into one day and feeling like I need to overcompensate for being just one person.

I want normalcy for all of us. But right now I just really love being with my kids.