My husband killed himself on July 18th, in the middle of the summer, which is my favorite season, except it isn’t my favorite season anymore.
My husband killed himself on a Tuesday, on a workday, in the middle of the day.
My husband killed himself right after getting a dental crown replaced. He woke up, got dressed, went to work, and left work an hour or so later to go to his dental appointment to get his dental crown replaced. And then he came home and he hung himself in our basement.
My husband texted me at 9 am when I was in a meeting at work. He said “Got my crown replaced. Feels much better now. See you at therapy.”
According to the paramedics, by the time I found my husband’s body hanging in our basement, after I rushed home from the therapy appointment he missed, expecting to find him packing or drunk, he had been dead for several hours. They said his body had been hanging from a rope for a while. They said he probably hung himself between 10 am and 11 am.
My husband got a dental crown replaced, was grateful that it felt better, and then he came home and put a rope around his neck and made himself stop breathing.
I called the dentist's office two days later. I said "Did my husband actually come in to get his crown replaced?"
They said yes.
I said "Did he seem ok?"
They said yes.
I said "My husband killed himself right after he got his crown replaced."
They said oh god.
My husband paid for a dental crown he would wear for an hour.
He was relieved to be more comfortable.
And then he hung himself.
I think about this always. It still makes no sense.